


Replay

by TheLittleSongbird



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Canon Compliant, Clones, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Post-Season/Series 06, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Shiro remembers every clone death suffered and Keith helps him through it, The major character death is only a technicality, better late than never, so canon compliant for like a day, that's it that's the fic, until season 7 starts at least
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-09
Updated: 2018-08-09
Packaged: 2019-06-24 06:28:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15624681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLittleSongbird/pseuds/TheLittleSongbird
Summary: The first clone dies on the slab.Shiro knows because heremembers.When Shiro gets his memories back, he gets the memories of every clone before as well.





	Replay

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written a fic in a really (really) long time. But season 6 destroyed me, and I woke up at like 2 AM with this as well as another idea in my head and had to write at least one of them before the season 7 premiere. This one seemed like it would be on the shorter side of the two fic ideas, and 10 pages later, here we are! I haven't written prose in a really long time, so apologies in advance.

 

_The first clone dies on the slab._

_Shiro knows because he_ remembers _._

_He remembers waking up in a cold sweat, his muscles atrophying, his heart spasming as his body rejects the new prosthesis. The Galra don’t believe in anesthetic, least of all for bodies created in a test tube. He wasn’t human, after all._

_“Subject Y0XT09 -- vitals are crashing. The body is failing.”_

_“A pity. We’ll have to start again.”_

_He remembers every second leading up to his heart flatlining. He feels like his blood is turning to ice, and he needs to catch a breath -- he needs water, or oxygen, something. His throat goes dry as he tries to focus. Tries to fight to stay alive._

_“...please…” he manages to whisper as his throat goes dry. A faceless mask comes into view as his vision fades._

_“Pull the support. We can’t waste valuable time on scraps. Project Kuron must proceed.”_

* * *

Shiro’s eyes snap open, his brow clammy with cold sweat. His lungs clench as he gasps for breath, but he can’t take in enough air. He briefly considers the irony of it all -- the Galra _would_ cure his chronic disease just to give him asthma in return.

His head hits the pillow again, and Shiro stares up at the ceiling, forcing his brain to recalibrate. He runs through the facts as his eyes follow the seams in the metal tiles above him.

He died in the battle against Zarkon.

His consciousness merged with the Black Lion’s.

Haggar made clones from his DNA to infiltrate Voltron.

He is not a clone.

He is _not a clone._

“Shiro?”

Keith stands in the entryway to the living quarters, his face filled with concern, but Shiro can see the bruising under his eyes. His cosmic wolf trails behind him. They’ve been traveling for nearly two movements in the Lions, on their journey to a Blades outpost on a nearby planetoid. Shiro had offered to co-pilot Black, but Keith refused to hear any of it -- insisting that Shiro take the time to rest and regain his strength instead. Shiro hates it.

“I didn’t hear you come in,” Shiro moves to stand, but his head pounds with the fog of his nightmare. Keith notices him wince.

“Don’t get up. I just wanted to check in on you. See how you’re feeling.”

“I’m fine.”

Keith frowns. “You’re not. I can tell.” Shiro looks down at his bunk, avoiding Keith’s eyes. He doesn’t want to lie, least of all to Keith. But he also doesn’t want to worry him over something that can’t be controlled. _They’re just dreams_ , he wants to say. But he can’t bring himself to telling Keith something he might not even believe himself. Keith sighs and sits at the end of the mattress. He absentmindedly runs his fingers through his wolf’s fur.

“How’s your arm?” Keith throws him a bone, and Shiro’s all to willing to take it.

He smirks. “Still non-existent.”

“ _Shiro_.”

“What? You asked.” Keith shakes his head, a small smile on his lips. Shiro can’t remember the last time he’s seen Keith smile. Not since he came back from the dead, at least. He watches Keith’s eyes droop. He knows he can’t stay awake for much longer. “Do you want me to take over? You look exhausted.”

Keith shakes his head again. “It’s fine. Krolia said she’d take over for the next couple of hours.” He covers his mouth to hide a yawn. Shiro nudges his knee.

“You should sleep.”

“I should check on the rest of the team.”

“God dammit, Keith,” Shiro growls. He watches Keith shrink back from the reprimand, but Shiro doesn’t care. “You can’t keep up like this. The team is _fine_. You aren’t. You’re going to kill yourself if you don’t get some rest soon.”

“I’m fine, Shiro—“

“You’re not. Don’t call me out on my bullshit and then feed me the same lie.” Keith goes quiet, and Shiro feels the guilt sinks in his stomach almost immediately. They shouldn’t fight. Not after all they’ve been through in the last few weeks. But Shiro will be damned if he lets Keith work himself into an early grave.

Shiro shifts over in the bunk, rolling the blanket down in invitation. Keith raises a brow.

“What are you--?”

“You’re going to sleep, and if the only way I can make sure you do is to drag you onto this bed myself, I’ll do it.” Shiro watches as Keith’s face flushes red, and yeah, maybe he could’ve worded that a little better.

“It’s – it’s okay,” Keith stammers, “I can sleep in the cockpit.”

“Get on the bed, Keith.”

“Seriously, there’s a bedroll in storage—“

“I will make your cosmic wolf sit on you, Kogane.”

Keith flusters. “That’s not even – she doesn’t even listen to you!”

Shiro gives the wolf a stern look. The wolf looks at him, then at Keith. She tilts her head, as if considering whether she wants to participate in this conversation or not.

Keith rolls his eyes and heaves a dramatic sigh, and Shiro can’t stave off the thought of how adorable he looks when he’s pouting. He shifts further against the wall as Keith climbs in next to him, pulling the blanket up and over his shoulders. Keith turns away to face the rest of the room, leaving Shiro to stare at the loose curls that form at the nape of his neck. He probably could use a haircut the next time they land for supplies – it’s gotten long in the two years that he spent on the space whale.

There’s a sharp pang in Shiro’s lungs as he remembers just how much time he’s lost. Not just the time Keith spent in the Quantum Abyss, but the time after he died. The time between the fight against Zarkon and when Keith found his clone drifting in the darkness of space. The time between his rescue and reconnecting with him through Black’s consciousness. Hell, the time between the Kerberos launch and his eventual crash landing back on Earth feels like time completely and utterly wasted. Keith had to grow up without him by his side. After he promised he would always be there for him. After the promise he wasn’t able to keep. It pains Shiro down to his very soul. He wishes he could recapture the missed time. Wishes there was some other way he could relive it besides looking through someone else’s memories.

“Shiro?” Keith pulls Shiro out of his thoughts as he addresses the quiet room.

“Yeah?”

Keith turns over in the bed to face Shiro, and looking into his violet eyes in this close proximity is so much better than Shiro remembers.

“You’d tell me if there was something wrong, right?” Keith’s voice is small, uncertain. He looks down at the space between then on the bed, adverting his eyes away from Shiro. “I don’t want you to think you can’t talk to me, you know? I—you’re my best friend. You can trust me.”

Shiro’s heart clenches with guilt. He knew he’d been distant since his nightmares – no, his memories – became too much to bear. But he hadn’t considered how that distance might have looked from Keith’s perspective. Shiro reaches between their bodies with his good hand and finds Keith’s in the sheets.

“Of course, Keith. There’s no one in the universe I trust more than you,” He presses their foreheads together, willing Keith to understand the truth in his words.

Keith smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. He curls in towards Shiro’s side, and Shiro has to strain to hear Keith whisper, “I’m sorry,” into the sheets.

He knows he wasn’t supposed to hear it, and even if he was, he’s not sure why Keith’s apologizing in the first place: if anyone should be apologizing, it should be Shiro. He squeezes Keith’s hand briefly. “Sleep. We’ll talk about it later.” Keith nods slowly, and Shiro forces his eyes closed. Later, he’ll tell Keith about the nightmares. Later he’ll apologize for everything his clone made him suffer through. Later, he’ll tell Keith how he feels, and pray to whatever deity there may be that Keith forgives him. Later.

Shiro feels Keith’s warm breath against his collarbone, and the steady rhythm of his breathing lulls him slowly into the abyss of sleep.

* * *

  _The second clone dies trying to escape._

_He’s running down a dark corridor -- he’s already dispatched two droids on his way out of the containment center. His heart is pounding in his chest, and his only thoughts are to run, to find an escape pod and get back to the Castle of Lions as fast as possible._

_As he turns a corner, he hears a shot ricochet off the wall behind him -- the Galra soldiers found him. Shiro activates his prosthesis and charges forward in earnest. He fends off one guard and pulls him into a headlock as another soldier rounds the corner. The first Galra charges backwards, pinning Shiro against the wall behind him, and Shiro groans as the breath is knocked from his lungs. He feels his arm short out as he’s tossed over the Galra’s shoulder and slammed into the floor. The second guard looms over Shiro as he tries to activate his arm in defense. The Galra steps on the prosthesis_ hard _, and it crushes under the weight._

_Shiro screams in agony as his nerve endings spasm from the short out._

_“This one won’t do,” The first guard tells the second, “Subject Y0XT09 -- dispatched.”_

_Shiro remembers staring down the barrel of the Galra’s gun as it charges up. He closes his eyes and thinks about how the color reminds him so much of violet eyes._

 

_The fourth clone’s oxygen line is cut during a maintenance error. He wakes early and immediately, his lungs already filling with liquid from the preservation tank. His body goes into overdrive. He pounds on the glass frantically, wishing that someone will notice and come save him._

_No one comes. Shiro chokes and his lungs seize until suddenly, he feels nothing._

 

 _The tenth clone escapes, and he’s so high on the adrenaline that he doesn’t think about where he’s going, just that he_ needs _to get back to the team. He’s on reserve oxygen in the escape pod, but there’s a planetoid nearby he can land on._

_Shiro barrels towards the surface of the planet. If he can land, he can rig the Galra comm system to Pidge’s frequency, and then contact the other paladins._

_Fog coils in thick plumes around his pod as he enters the atmosphere. He can’t see a thing in front of him. He just needs to focus, he needs to lands safely--_

_The side of his pod crashes against an outcropping of rock, sending it spinning in freefall. Shiro pulls back on the yoke, his arms straining against the pressure that’s bearing down on the pod. He’s losing control, and Shiro can’t_ do _anything about it._

_The surface of the planet comes into view, and Shiro squeezes his eyes shut, preparing for the impact._

 

 _The seventeenth clone is the first to find Keith._  

_He took over a fighter jet and flew to a nearby Galra base, but he’s not the only stowaway on board. There’s evidence that someone, or something, has been hacking into the controls along the corridors, and the droids have already been dispatched. Shiro examines one of the droids that’s been taken out -- its parts have been severed clean off. Whoever’s infiltrated the base is a skilled warrior. They’re dangerous._

_Shiro doesn’t want to take any chances. He finds a nearby air duct and climbs inside. As he makes his way towards the command center of the base, he can hear tinny voices from_

_“Commander Rognok has been disposed of. I’ll maintain surveillance of the base for the time being and report back to the Blades.”_

_“Good. That’s one more base we don’t have to worry about.”_

_Shiro’s breath catches. He knows that voice. He pulls himself towards the grate as slowly as possible. Below, he can see a Galran dressed in the black garb of the Blades of Marmora, his back turned to Shiro. He addresses the holodeck in front of him, and there, speaking from the cockpit of the Black Lion, is Keith._

_His mouth is set in a hard line, his brow furrowed beneath his helmet. He addresses the Blade with authority, and Shiro can’t find it in himself to move. He hasn’t seen Keith since… he can’t remember when. He looks tired. He looks angry._

_He looks beautiful._

_“I’ll report back to Kolivan. Thanks again.”_

_“Of course,” the Blade nods. He hesitates for a moment. “Paladin.”_

_“Hmm?”_

_“You need to focus on your mission. You look as if something is more important right now.”_

_Keith’s eyes widen, realizing that he’s been caught. He school’s his face into a blank expression. “I’m fine. I’m just. Busy.”_

_Shiro loosens the grate into the command center._

_“I’ll contact you in three quintants for an update. Signing out.”_

_Shiro jumps down into the room just as Keith blinks out of view. The Blade pivots at the sound of Shiro’s feet hitting the ground, and he draws his sword._

_“Intruder.”_

_Shiro holds up his hands, “No, no, I’m not, I’m a--”_

_The Blade charges before he can get a word out edgewise. Shiro tries to activate his arm in time to block, but the Blade is faster._

_He feels the end of the Blade’s sword sink into his chest. Each inch that drives into his body burns him from the inside out._

_His last breath is on Keith’s name as the room goes dark around him._

 

_The last clone nearly kills Keith._

_Shiro feels the rage boiling inside him like lava desperate to erupt. Keith puts up a fight -- of course he does -- but he never tries to_ hurt _him, and the only thing that will satisfy Shiro’s hunger is if blood is drawn. He doesn’t care whose._

_Besides, there are plenty of replacements._

_It’s not even until he’s knocked him down to the second landing of the facility that Keith draws his blade and extends it into a sword, and Shiro smirks. He activates his arm into a plasma blade. This is what he was waiting for. He lunges forward, and Keith is quick to retreat, leading Shiro across the platforms in a deadly dance. Keith never goes for the attack, constantly feinting and dodging out of Shiro’s range. Shiro punches Keith, sending his helmet flying, but Keith_ still runs away. _It’s beginning to piss Shiro off. As Keith activates his jetpack, Shiro lunges after him, grabbing hold of the paladin and bringing them crashing down to the floor below, only a length of wire to slow their fall._

 _Shiro is up on his feet first, and as he adjusts his center of gravity, he sees Keith swing towards him, his feet barrelling straight into Shiro and sending him flying backwards. Shiro recovers, but Keith is on him again, and finally,_ finally _, Shiro watches that spark of anger flash in Keith’s eyes. That Galra part of him that he’s always denied. Good._

_“That’s the Keith I remember,” Shiro remarks proudly as he’s pinned against a rail, their blades meeting in the middle. Keith blinks, his arm relaxing a fraction as if catching himself in his rage, and Shiro takes the opening, moving in for the kill as Keith fends off his attacks._

_He slings vile words at him, mistruths to crush Keith’s very soul. But Keith remains resilient, his voice desperate to reach Shiro. This was why Haggar was so eager to get rid of the Red Paladin -- he_ believes _in Shiro too much._  

_Suddenly, his arm seizes up, and Shiro collapses to the floor in agony. It hurts, god it hurts, and he can feel the arm contorting as it shorts out and mutates into something horrible and ugly. There’s so much quintessence churning through his nerve endings that Shiro thinks he’s going to go insane, but he has a mission, and he’ll be damned if he lets Keith out of this fucking facility alive._

_The energy in his arm crackles with power, and Shiro directs it straight for Keith’s head, ready to finish this once and for all. Keith dodges, because of course he does, and Shiro fires a second shot. The facility is crumbling around them, but as long as Shiro finishes the job, he doesn’t care about the other clones. Keith leaps away, and Shiro can’t help but admire his tenacity. His pure survival instincts. He would make a fine Galra._

_It’s such a shame he has to die._

_Shiro jumps down to Keith’s level, and this is it. He put up an impressive fight, and Shiro’s almost sad to see the light fade from Keith’s eyes. He activates his plasma blade and advances, raising it over his head and bringing it down hard._

_Keith parries at the last moment with his blade, and Shiro finds it almost laughable how much Keith is willing to fight back. He bears down on the blade, so close to Keith’s jugular that he can’t help the feeling of triumph for when he finally finishes this._

_“Shiro, please…”_

Yes, _Shiro thinks,_ beg for your life _. Keith mumbles something that Keith doesn’t catch, but his next words stop him cold, repeating like a mantra in his head._

 _“I love you.”_  

_I love you._

“--iro?”

_I love you._

“Shiro, wake up--”

_I love you._

“Shiro!”

Shiro gasps back into consciousness. There’s a hand on his chest, and his shirt is soaked through with sweat. He breathes in heavily, and he thinks he can hear someone talking beside him, but the sound is all warped, as if hearing underwater.

He goes to run his hand through his hair, only to abort the movement when he realizes his right arm isn’t there. He looks down at his stump of an arm, and panic floods his veins. The fight with Keith. He nearly _killed him_.

“Shiro? Shiro, are you okay?” The hands feel cool on his face as Keith pulls his focus back towards him, and Shiro finally looks up into Keith’s worried eyes.

“I--” Shiro starts, and his throat feels dry. Like he hasn’t spoken in years, or blew out his voice from screaming. 

“You were having a nightmare,” Keith reassures him, dragging one of his hands through Shiro’s hair and smoothing the bangs back. Shiro tries to blink away the fog of the dreams, but they’re too ingrained into his mind to disappear. He knows they weren’t dreams. They couldn’t be.

Keith runs his hands along Shiro’s neck in comfort, wiping some of the sweat away. “It’s okay,” he whispers in a kind voice, “It’s not real. You’re safe now.” Shiro feels his muscles relax under Keith’s ministrations, and his heartbeat begins to settle. He closes his eyes and lets out a deep breath and Keith runs his hands in his hair once more. He feels safe, here in Keith’s arms. As if the memories can’t dig their claws into his conscience and corrupt his dreams. 

 _I love you._  

“I remember…” Shiro whispers, and Keith goes still at the sound of Shiro’s voice.

“Remember what?” Keith sounds cautious as Shiro tries to reconcile the lives of every clone he ever was. There are so many realities overlapping in Shiro’s brain, and he his head aches when he tries to distinguish one from the other. But he wants to try. He wants Keith to know. He _needs_ Keith to know.

“All of them,” Shiro says. “The clones. They died. And I remember them. I remember _being_ them.”

Keith’s voice shakes in horror. “Shiro…”

“They tried to escape so many times. Tried to get back to the Lions. But they all died. And I remember every one of them. I remember the feeling of death over and over…” Shiro’s breath catches, and it’s only then that he feels the tears down his cheeks. When did he start crying? “They wanted… they wanted to see you so badly. Wanted to reunite with you again. Wanted to tell you…” _I love you. I love you. I’ve always loved you._  

“Shiro,” Keith gathers him in his arms, and Shiro breaks. He sobs openly into Keith’s shoulder, laying bare all his pain, his suffering, his grief. He let’s go of everything, and for a moment, nothing in the universe exists except himself and Keith. Keith rubs his back as he cries, whispering softly into Shiro’s hair. He can’t hear what he’s saying, but he doesn’t think it matters. Just having Keith here is enough. Keith is always, always enough.

“I’m so sorry,” Keith says, loud enough for Shiro to hear, “I should’ve found you sooner.” 

“Don’t say that. Please don’t say that.” Shiro tightens his grip around Keith’s torso. And then, because he’s feeling vulnerable, or perhaps he’s feeling brave, Shiro whispers, “I love you,” into Keith’s chest. 

The room goes silent as Keith holds his breath. Shiro doesn’t let go.

“Shiro, I --” He looks up into Keith’s eyes, his left hand reaching up to graze the scar on Keith’s cheek.

“I remembered what you said. Maybe you didn’t mean it, and maybe it was just in the moment. But I love you, Keith. And I wanted you to know that.”

Keith shakes his head. “You idiot.” Shiro’s heart stops for a full second, before Keith smiles back at him, his eyes glassy with tears. They look like sparkling amethysts. “Of course I meant it.” 

Shiro’s heart swells, and his vision blurs as he begins to cry again. He leans his forehead against Keith’s, and the final tension in his body releases to lean into Keith’s chest. The arms around him pull him closer, bringing him home.

“You should go back to sleep,” Keith suggests, and Shiro nods lightly.

“I will. Stay with me?”

“Always, Shiro.” He smiles again, and Shiro would tear apart galaxies and cross universes to see Keith’s smile every day.

Shiro loses track of time -- it feels like seconds and hours have past. Keith coaxes him to lay back down on the bed, but Shiro refuses to remove himself from Keith’s embrace. Keith readjusts them on the mattress until they both are laying down. Shiro traces the contours of Keith’s face with his fingertips until he reaches his mouth. Keith turns his head towards Shiro’s hands and kisses his fingertips, sending warmth through his nerve endings.

“Sleep,” Keith whispers in the dark, and Shiro’s eyes begin to droop at the sensation of Keith’s hands running through his hair once against. He feels safe, for the first time since the battle with Zarkon, and he knows Keith would move mountains to keep Shiro from harm. Hell, he’s already brought him back from the dead.

Shiro slowly blinks once, twice, wanting to hold onto the image of Keith’s loving gaze for a moment more before he’s dragged into unconsciousness. He sees Keith smile as his tunnel vision sets in.

“I love you, Shiro,” Keith whispers reverently, and Shiro lets himself fall into a peaceful, dreamless sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> In the process of catching any mistakes from when I posted this half asleep last night.


End file.
